


The Adventures of the Trauma Team

by Will_Keaton



Category: Trauma Team
Genre: Bad Fic, Deliberate Badfic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 13:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11380932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Will_Keaton/pseuds/Will_Keaton
Summary: A day in the life of the Trauma Team





	The Adventures of the Trauma Team

The sun were smiling happily on the sunny day when robbery happens. “Give me all Yor's money!” The robbing man says.

Before the sotre owner could comply, reply or defy, the rescuing began from an unlikely sauce.

“Halt evildoer!” The evildooer turned around to see person in blue spandex. “I am Captain Eagle! And I don’t like robberies in my grocery store!”

The evil-dooer turned around and was about to be a shooter for Captain Eagle! But Captain Eagle! was to fast! “Eagle punch!” Captain Eagle! Said as he punched evi ldooer through ceiling. Then Captain Eagle! stuck quartor on store owner. “This should pay for the damages my good sir!” Then Captain Eagle! made a dissapear.

After Captain Eagle! had disappeared from the spleen of the crime, he reappeared inside Resurgam medical hospital. But he was no longer dressed as Captain Eagle! now he was Hank Freebird, professional Doctor guy.

“Dr. Freebird.” Nurse says. “We need you to surgery someone right now! There's a little girl who hop off bridge and break!”

Soon the doctor man was talking with his patient who am named Claire. “I hate living! Livin is for losers and it's dumb!”

“No, your wrong; because the grass is green and the sky is blue! Anyway I need to fix your bones now.” Then, in disguise as Dr. Freebird, Captain Eagle! took out lazer and shooted patient's bone till it wuz all betterer..

Later Dr Freebird was in the shower with other Doctor named Cunningham who was smoking the cigertte. “It let's me breath underwater,” he explained.

All-of-a-suddenly Doctor Torres kicked open door and started screaming. “Dr. Freebird you damn knucklehead! What the crap R you doing in the shower!? You is supposed to be making surgery right now asshole!” Than Doctor Torres grabbed Dr. Freebird and dragging him down to surgery on her motercycle.

“Come on shithead! You need to weld metal poles onto this guys spine right now!” So they did and the surguryy was succesfull”

“Can I haz pants?”

“When I was 14 I wuz gaddamn smokkin in the bathroom. The toilet caught fire and burned own the motherfucking orphanage.” Torres anwered.

Minutes later Dr. Torres was in the helicopter o her way to tea airport. She gotted out of the chopper to meet Dr. Tomoe who had just made her morning commute from Japan. Tomoe's butler helped carryl uggaeg back to hospital wear they started more surgery.

“This little shithead is the sick.!” Torres expositioned.

Dr. Tomoe pulled out her solid gold endoscopy machine. “The Path of Honour demands I shove a camera up this kid's ass.” So Dr. Tomoe fed the endoscopy machine into the kids butt until she was at the stomach, then she was able to fix the stomachache. “Mission accomplished!” With her job done Tomoe began her 16 hour commute back to Japan.

At the meantime a new doctor was being broughting into the hospital. All the other doctors watched as the special FBI agent took off all of the doctors 27 handcuffs.

“This is inmate CR-S01. He's an very good surgeon. However he is also serving a 250 year senetnce for being a mass murderer.”

“I don't remember mass murdering anyone though!”

“You’re the pissface who gased that university aren't you!” Dr. Torres grabbed her batleth and was about to cut open the new doctor. Dr. Freebird had to hold her back.

“That's nice” Dr CR-S01 said. "I'm going to operate on the man who had a ferris wheel fall on him kay? He has an I-beam in his chest so I'll need power tools." The convict doctor grabbed chainsaw and walked into OR surgery.

While Dr. CR-S01 was doing doctor things Dr. Cunningham made shocking discovery, Tomoe had bean kidnap by ninjas! He flew too Japan and even though his arms were tired he ran to Tomoe's house.

When he bursted in he saw Tomoe surrounded by many ninja. Also her father was there talking to her. “My daughter, as future leader of the Tachibana ninja clan it is your duty to become a married.” Cunningham sighed some. He was wrong. Tomoe Wasn't kidnapped by ninja's, she was a colonoscopy ninja and just went back home with ninja buddies. “That is why you must marry this tree.”

Before other stuff could happen Tomoe's dad falled down. “Something is wrong with is throat Tomoe shouted.” Then Tomoe's butler who had a name that was Hanzo grabbed katana and cut open mr. Tachibana's throat so he could breathe. After some first and second rate surgerizing the patient became saved.

The next day back at hospitalland Dr. Cunningham was diagnosing boy with help from computer. “I feel great doc.” The boy says as he coughs up blood.

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with you.”

“No I'm fine really.”

“Your body is covered in bruises. I'm gonna have to give you an MRI.” Then Doctor used the X-ray machine.

“Conclusion: This filthy meat-bag has Wermer's Syndrome.” Siad computor.

“What does that mean?” asked the boy.”

“It means you have tumours in your everywhere. Some of your tumours probably have tumours.”

“Observation: The meat-bag is crying.”

“Don't worry kid, I know what to do.” Dr. Cunningham then kicks the boy in the face. “Huh. My car works better when I kick it. Oh well. May as well let the convicted cereal killer operate on him.”

While the kid was in surgery robot and doctor had some talk. “Observation: There are many similarities between that meat bag and you doctor. Question: Why is that?”

“It's because he's my son.”

“Dramatic chord: Dun dun dun! ... Acusation: You are a terrible father.”

“And you're a hunk of junk!” Drocotor Cunningham used jeet-kun-do to break computer with feet.

Then Dr. Cunningham gotted phone call. “Hellos. My name is Naomi and I solve murders. I think somebody was killed by werewolf. I need to know if werewolfs are possible.”

“No. Werewolfs are not possible.”

“Okay.' Naomi hanged up phone. “If werewolfs are impossible than three is only one possible solution. The victims mother gets rabies and puts on werewolves costume and goes murdering her daughter.” Happy at her deduction Noamoi started her next case. Four people have goten the blow up lately and she had to figure out why and how.

Naomi went to one a college students room that had been exploded and started observing the things she saw. Something in this room had exploded and she was the figure out what. Looking around she saw a guitar. Wondering if the guitar was expensive she pulled out her phone.

What only a sect many people know was that Naomi had the powers of calling dead people on her cell phone. That's why she phoned Elvis. “Uh-hu-hu, that sure is a sweet sexy guitar little lady. I'd say it's worth about a hundred thousand dollars.” Then Elvis has hung up the phone.

Now Naomi knew the guitar was valuable, maybe even worth blowing someone up over. Next she decided to morgue go to and look at the body of the dead guy. By locking at the body she could tell he had been in an blow up. After furthur examinations she could see a set of plastic eyes and nose imbedded in the victim face. Naomi had a suspet that they were from a teddy bear, so she phoned the person who had murdered more bears than everyone else. She called President Teddy Roosevelt.

Within seconds Teddy was able to identify exactly what kind of bear the eyes and nose were froom. He was also able to determine where the bear was made, the felt/stuffing ratio of the bear, and what it's favorite ice cream flavour was. Also, the teddy bear was really a bomb.

Now that she knew that the bomber was using teddy bears Naomi went home. As she was walking to her door she was greeted by her neighbor Alissa the little girl. At the same time she was given a package by a delivery woman. When Noami opened the box she saw a teddy bear.

“Yay! I love teddies!” Alissa said drabbing the bear and running off. Seconds later she blow up.

Meanwhiles back at Resurgum hospital Mr. FBI was about to take dr. CR-S01 back to prison. That's why he was on the roof talking to Dr. cunninham. Suddenly helicopter appeared out of nowhere. “Hey bonehead. Get in!” Shouting Lieutenant Torres. “We have a stupid kid who got blown up by a fucking teddy bear.”

“You want me to operate? I'm just the diagnosing guy!”

“No, the goddamn serial killer's going to operate while in the air. I just need your hair for an airbag in case we crash into shit.”

“Freeze!” Mr. FBI shouted polling a gun out of his pants and pointed it at the doctor. “I am not going to let you be allowed to help that man escape.”

“Hey, I'm not a criminal. Oh, that makes me seem even more like a criminal, doesn't it?” Said Dr. “Ho well. Whatever happens, happens.' Then he jumped into the air and grabbed onto helicopter. He holds out finger to look like gun and says. “Bang!” Than they were all gone.

FBI was angry and ran after them. He didn't like getting fingerbanged. The helicopter then flew through eh car tunnel but FBI was waiting on the other side. However he was in for shocks. Dr. CR-S01 wasn't in the helicopter at all! He was back at hospital!

“The power went out.” CR-S01 says when the power went out.

“I'll fix it!”Captain Eagle! said still in disguise a doctor. He ran to the power room and found power cable cut in two. He knew he had two options: 1. He could use tape to fix the wires or B. he could hold one end of cable in each hand and let the electricity flow through him.

Meanwhile back in the OR.

“What smells like BBQ?” CR-S01 asked. “Nevermind. Im done with the operation. Turns out this kid is indestrctable.”

“Can I have a lollipop?” Allissa asked.

“Sorry. I don't have lolipop. You can have this nice eyepatch though.

“Arrr,” I'm a pirate!”

It wasn't loong before Mr. FBI arrived back to the hosptipal and took doctor CR-S01 back to jail. Everyone was three to say goodbye except Dr. Freebird who was going to the mall on a hot date with a suicidal girl. “I still hate living,” she said when they went to the second floor of mall.

Suddenly a man with a gun ran through the mall screaming. “I have bone cancer! I have bone cancer!” He kept screaming as he shooted people. Eventually he shot the suicidal girl.

“No! I can't believe you're dad!” Dr. Eaglebird shooted.

“I'm not dead. I just got shoot!” the girl says.

“I will avenge your death or my name isn't Captain Eagle!” Captain Eagle! approached the man with the gun and got shot a bunch. “You're bullets cannot ahrm me you monster!”

“I have bone cancer!” He shouted in retort. Then a school bus crashed through the second story of the mall and ran over the shooter.

Dr. Freebird sighed. A doctor's work is never done. Unless the thunder god Thor becomes president of the United States and destroys mankind by causing a nuclear apocalypse. But he didn't think that was going to happen today.


End file.
